My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
