I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
