i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
