I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
