The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I looked at my own cervix.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
