I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize