It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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