where am i from again
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
