so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I want to fling myself into the sun
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
