Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
