He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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