if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
