I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
