so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
