shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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