I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize