He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
