We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
