look no pants
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
