the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
