im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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