Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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