I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
