Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
