so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
