I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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