cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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