Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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