your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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