he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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