So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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