just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We're too hungover to prance.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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