Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Randomize
