I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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