Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
