Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
