I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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