That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
ok first of all what the fuck
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
