omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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