I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
