she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
