but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
