**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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