Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You are the jesus of drinking
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
