This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
