im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Welp...herpes.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
