I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
