We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Rumble strips road head = magical
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
