then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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