you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
