Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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