You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
