i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
