God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
