What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize