oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
