Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
