just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
