Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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