Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
