Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
