i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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