well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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