At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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