I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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