Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
