ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Your penis caused this!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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