I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
