Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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