It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
