ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
