I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Randomize
