Jerry, you need to find god
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
