fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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